Alexandra Butz's Depression Story

 
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In life, there are many types of people that each act differently around people they encounter. I am a person who trusts and wants to believe that people are good at heart, trustworthy, and above all- authentic. However, I think that too many people, including myself sometimes, are so caught up in trying to be something they’re not.

In my high school, I am starting a program called “No Makeup Monday.” The aspiration to create such a thing popped out of thin air one night when I was taking my makeup off and cleaning my face with my Clarisonic. My mom was right down the hall and I said, “I just love the feeling of taking my makeup off.” And then it dawned on me…why should I leave the most comfortable feeling on my skin for when I’m going to bed? If anything, I should at least take ONE day per week and give my pores the treat of being bare. And so it started. I’m a redhead with freckles, porcelain skin, and brown eyes. Having a day where you wear no makeup is somewhat unheard of in society, and some people are afraid to take the step, even though the feeling of nothingness on your skin is one of the best feelings, and most vulnerable.

I’m going to be REAL, here. A few years ago, I noticed myself becoming more and more anxious. Before leaving the house, I would have to turn sinks on and off over 15 times either until I felt satisfied and confident that they were off and not running, or until someone had to take me away from the sink and tell me to move on and get the things done that needed to be done that day. I went to the doctors and was diagnosed with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). OCD lead to depression, because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop being afraid of the house flooding, or of the house burning down. My parents sat me down one night and suggested therapy; that I could get the help I needed and things could go back to the way they were-peaceful. I was embarrassed. I’ve always been a perfectionist and this certainly wasn’t perfection. I wanted to deal with this on my own instead of getting help from someone in an office that I didn’t know diddly squat about. It was hard for me to talk to the therapist, and something she would always say was, “You can be real here, this is your place to get real.” Therapy has helped immensely. My OCD is unnoticeable because of medications I take, and my depression is under control. But the best thing that I’ve learned through this strengthening experience has been that, none of us are perfect, but something we can do is each and every morning when we wake up, we can make a promise to ourselves to be real and authentic; to stand outside before the sun and say, “Here I am, world…this is me, all of me.” What a humbling thing to be able to do. Your message completely drives me, and I want to be of support in any way that I can. I will promote you, post on instagram for you wearing your products, whatever I can do to spread this message.